Spec Scripts For Sale (23-1-23)

Hola cool cats and/or kittens.

Are you looking for a spec script? If so, oh my meow I have some for you.

I’m open to offers. Use the form as attached.

And if you want to buy a film and support this here site…

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Where Can I Watch The Films? (17-1-23)

Hola cool cats and/or kittens.

The site is due for a redesign soon. I feel like it isn’t selling itself as well as it should be, so I’m going to be tinkering with a few things to make it a cooler experience.

But for now…

I thought I’d do a blog which put across the different places and mediums that you can catch the films on, to make it easier for people to find the experience that works for them.

Barbatachtian Films Store

https://barbatachthianfilm.com/store/

My preferred option for money reasons.

New Village Video

https://newvillagevideo.com/barbatachthian/

You can rent the film on New Village Video. They also have a fine selection of other films.

Indie Nation Nework

https://www.inationnetwork.com/

Signing up to Indie Nation Network gives you access to all of my films and shorts, plus many others. And you can support indie filmmakers, as they pay generous royalties for each view.

Projektor

https://projektor.com/u/ian-austin/the-barbatachtian

https://projektor.com/u/ian-austin/barbatachtian-returns

https://projektor.com/u/ian-austin/barbatachtian-3-witch-of-the-woods

The films are available to buy on Projektor.

Cubestream

https://www.cubestream.com

The site is in beta mode currently, but if you create an account the films are all on there.

Youtube

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever review/updates (11-11-22)

HOLA COOL CATS AND/OR KITTENS.

This is one of those GIGANTIC update posts that pop up every now and then where I actually have a lot to write and will proceed to write a lot. Usually I don’t have a lot to write but today I do so please stand back, get chilled, and prepare for a lot of text to ensue.

First of all…

I’ve decided to update where you can find the various Barbatachtian films. Me and some amigos were trying to track down a copy of Bad Ben: Pandemic the other night, and couldn’t find it anywhere. While my brain always recommends people buy the films from the store (because money), the truth is that sometimes it isn’t the easiest thing. Like if you have a Firestick or are using a video game console, you can’t be doing with that. The same applies for New Village Video, Projektor, Indie Nation Network etc – eventually they’ll be available freely on any app you use, but on a TV? You gotta get creative, and speaking as someone creative half the time I just buy films on Apple TV because I can’t be bothered to put the DVD in the PS5.

So that said, the films are now all on Youtube.

Now onto Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

It’s really, really, really good.

And lastly…

Barbatachtian got a pretty cool review. Which is awesome.

The review was by Holly Soriano, one of the architects behind the upcoming My Apocalyptic Thanksgiving (https://t.co/sEyXbCiyLH) which is due out on an incredible amount of VOD formats later on this month. I really dug the trailer, so I’ll be checking it out for sure (and reviewing it),

Laters.

Stuff, Thangs (12-9-22)

Hola amigos.

Ian Austin here, writer and director of those Barbatachtian films and, going by recent trends in my life, resident at an Odeon cinema for most of the week seeing whatever films that they deem fit to put up.

I’ll be doing mini-reviews of some of those below, as well as discussing the current state of the (to some) Barbatachtian Films catalogue.

So without further ado:

Scream Unseen

This particular entry of the Odeon Scream Unseen line-up was called Hatchling, and is a very weird and nightmarish Finnish horror film. I’d recommend going in knowing nothing about it for full value of watch, but would also suggest you avoid it if you don’t care for ‘foreign language’ films. Personally, I’d have enjoyed it even more without subtitles – as the film is quite heavy on allegory as it is.

Jaws 3D

I’ve never seen Jaws in a cinema, and after seeing it in 3D I’d argue I still haven’t. Films post-converted to 3D always struggle for me, as they don’t take into account the – for lack of a better word – chilled visual aesthetic the 3D glasses provide. Jaws was lit very intentionally, and adding a colder glaze to the images doesn’t really work at all. And while the film is undeniably great, it is not a great 3D film. Which is a shame – the last act in particular really drags when you don’t have the proper visual colour palette in play.

Bodies Bodies Bodies

An excellent horror film, surprisingly so – although is it surprising? A24 is becoming one of the better avenues for horror films, seemingly letting the creatives do whatever they want and, at the very least, the films are interesting. This film rises above merely being interesting, improving exponentially on the appallingly bad trailers and revealing a clever, subversive streak, a modern day murder mystery of sorts that builds to a genuinely clever ending.

I have one flaw with the film, but it resolves around one moment of pay-off. And it’s not even the pay-off per se… more a way it could have been better executed. But that’s a minor quibble, this is highly recommended.

And now onto the upcoming catalogue of my own stuff…

Barbatachtian: 1985 has stalled because I lost my notebook I was writing the script in, wrote another script, and then found it again but haven’t the ideas to continue it currently. But I’ll get to it soon enough I reckon.

The other script though… I really want to direct that film.

Only snag is the cost of it. I’m racking my brain with how I can shoot it, and have one very crazy idea which could theoretically work. I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

Until then, you can buy the already released films on the store.

September 5th super sale/LOTR review (5-9-22)

Hi.

The 5th of September holds no particular value or meaning to me whatsoever, but I figure it’s time for another super sale where the films are at such a cheap price that I can’t possibly hope to make any money off them.

So…

The individual films are 99P each. The combined films are £2.50.

Buy them here: https://barbatachthianfilm.com/store/

And to get more hits…

I watched the first two episodes of LOTR: ROP. It’s the big show at the moment and everyone has an opinion on it, ranging from outright racist (why is my fantasy show about dragon so diverse) through to ‘LOOK AT THE PRODUCTION VALUES LOL LET ME TURN ON MOTION SMOOTHING TO MAKE GIFS MOCKING THEM.)

Where do I fall?

I thought it was really, really bad. And boring. And I don’t think I’m the audience for it, because while I can admire the acting and the production values I think everything else is so staggeringly misguided and missing the point of the stories that it actually makes me a little bit sad and annoyed.

I completely understand a lot of people put a lot of work into this show, but it really does feel like a cynical cash grab by Amazon, their attempt to capture the magic of GOT while also – amusingly – not understand what made GOT so fascinating.

And it makes me sad because I love LOTR.

Those Jackson films are staggering accomplishments in blockbuster filmmaking, and I find it weird the Tolkien estate hates them but somehow approves this, which lacks the heart of said films and makes even more concessions with the material and characters to make everything feel as unlike LOTR as they possibly can do.

Or maybe it is accurate to the books, I don’t know.

Anyway buy my films.

Last Day of Film Sale (7-8-22)

Hey groovy groovers.

It’s the last day of the sale today.

I completely understand if you want to pay full price, but today you can LITERALLY pay less for the films. And I’m cool with it. So why wouldn’t you?

Hit up the store now.

THREE DAY SALE OMG (5-8-22)

OH MY MEOW.

The films are on sale. ALL of them.

FOR THREE DAYS.

Barbatachtian and Barbatachtian Returns are £1.99 each.

Barbatachtian 3 is £5.99.

This is only for three days, then on Monday normal prices resumes. But how can you pass up an opportunity to get these films are rock-bottom prices?

HIT UP THE STORE NOW BEFORE IT GOES.

Barbatachtian 3 (29-7-22)

So it released yesterday. I’ll get my shilling out of the way immediately…

And now back to discussing Barbatachtian 3, which is my fourth film AND the third entry in the Barbatachtian series. I mean, third main entry – over on Indie Nation Network (https://inationnetwork.com/) you can find a spin-off/prequel of sorts:

So yeah, it’s a trilogy.

I mean I’m planning to make them indefinitely, but the Chester Zerum story is done with the third entry. I’m sure a lot of people will say that the use of the word ‘story’ doesn’t add up, given the continuity errors, retcons, and fact that we’re not even following the same Chester anymore. To which I’d argue, if you’re still watching this schlock by the third entry then really, you must already know it’s an experiment in surreal, abstract, illogical horror more than anything.

It’s also the end of an era, of sorts.

I am… for lack of a better phrase… not an actor. I mean I enjoy doing it in part, but at heart I’m a director and I feel that the films are hamstrung by me being the only visible actor. So the next entries are telling a different story and, in point of fact, the next one is going in a vastly different direction, as shown by the poster below.

I will say that I am proud of these films.

That may seem a weird thing to say given the films as they are, but I put a lot of myself into these and went from a guy who never made a film to a guy who created his own insane horror franchise; a British horror franchise no less. And managed to get it on two streaming sites and an online video rental store… which is still fucking surreal to be honest.

Of course I’m also very unsatisfied, and now my goals are shifting to more ambitious levels.

So yeah, I guess all that’s left to do is IMPLORE YOU TO BUY THE FILM BUY THE FILMS I NEED MONEY BUY THE GOD-DAMN FILMS…